madhaha Posted October 1, 2003 Report Posted October 1, 2003 A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor. A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. A REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what? A DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous. A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage. DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government. CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull and build a herd of cows. BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain. AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead. A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are an eleventh the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch. A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. A MEXICAN CORPORATION: You think you have two cows, but you're not sure where they are. You'll look for them tomorrow. A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge for storing them for others. A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy. AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.
Evil Jin Posted October 3, 2003 Report Posted October 3, 2003 ANARCHY STYLE-you have 2 cows you killed a man for them. You train you cows to kill other people and -*BAD WORD*- thier cows so that you get more coews!
Silk Posted October 3, 2003 Report Posted October 3, 2003 Wouldnt you like train your cows to explode or something?
Dyers eve Posted October 3, 2003 Report Posted October 3, 2003 Hehe but Terrorist cows, wouldnt that be funny?
Aileron Posted October 8, 2003 Report Posted October 8, 2003 They were about to have something like that. The UK offered to use mad cows to clear for landmines the same way Iran used children.
Aileron Posted October 9, 2003 Report Posted October 9, 2003 Well, this was in Kosovo I think. There were no kangaroos around. Besides, blowing cows up is the quickest and easiest way to make third world hambergers.
madhaha Posted October 9, 2003 Author Report Posted October 9, 2003 Infected hamburgers. Are you proposing biological warfare?
Silk Posted October 9, 2003 Report Posted October 9, 2003 Just go to any McDonalds, those hamburgers are hideous
Guest Virus Posted October 9, 2003 Report Posted October 9, 2003 Who cares what the food looks like i still eat it once a day at lunch ahaha, and sillk u can come if u want to just ask b4 we leave
Silk Posted October 9, 2003 Report Posted October 9, 2003 Um im poor, i got 5 dollars and i need to save that. Im happy with the food i bring into school
Aileron Posted October 14, 2003 Report Posted October 14, 2003 Yeah, well as a health care worker I suggest that you don't eat McDonalds no matter how rich or poor you are. Have you ever tried giving an X-ray to a person who weighs 600 lbs. from eating too many Big Macs? Tech> The lungs aren't showing, we need to increase mAs!@#$%^&*istant> It is already running at maximum capacity sir.Tech> We need more mAs!!@#$%^&*istant> She can't take the power, captain! Not only that, but it is absolutely impossible to push them around, even on a bed. And the best part is that since they are too lazy to get up and probably couldn't fit into their bath tub anyway, most of them have a few decades worth of stink to them. I haven't even covered the problems faced by other departments such as the amount of drugs needed and the difficulty in taking a blood pressure. Point being, not only does being fat hurt your health, but it decreases a hospital's ability to treat you, so stop eating those McDonald's hambergers!!!
»nintendo64 Posted October 14, 2003 Report Posted October 14, 2003 Yeah, well as a health care worker I suggest that you don't eat McDonalds no matter how rich or poor you are. Have you ever tried giving an X-ray to a person who weighs 600 lbs. from eating too many Big Macs? Tech> The lungs aren't showing, we need to increase mAs!@#$%^&*istant> It is already running at maximum capacity sir.Tech> We need more mAs!!@#$%^&*istant> She can't take the power, captain! Not only that, but it is absolutely impossible to push them around, even on a bed. And the best part is that since they are too lazy to get up and probably couldn't fit into their bath tub anyway, most of them have a few decades worth of stink to them. I haven't even covered the problems faced by other departments such as the amount of drugs needed and the difficulty in taking a blood pressure. Point being, not only does being fat hurt your health, but it decreases a hospital's ability to treat you, so stop eating those McDonald's hambergers!!! Very Important News. People read it. -nintendo64
»i88gerbils Posted October 14, 2003 Report Posted October 14, 2003 I made up three some years back: MASOCHISM - You own two cows. You do not feed your cows, and they die. You whip yourself as punishment. SADISM - Your neighbor owns two cows. You murder your neighbor, and then mutilate his cows. SADO-MASOCHISM - Your neighbor owns two cows. You steal his cows and blame it on your neighbor. When he asks you for punishment, you refuse, and go home to mutilate his cows.
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