Aileron Posted January 29, 2005 Report Posted January 29, 2005 These have been around for a while, but they are still pretty funny These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are> >things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and > >now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm > >while these exchanges were actually taking place.> >> >__________________________________> >Q: What is your date of birth?> >> >A: July 15th.> >> >Q: What year?> >> >A: Every year.>______________________________________> >> >Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?> >> >A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.> >______________________________________> >> >Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?> >> >A: Yes.> >> >Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?> >> >A: I forget.> >> >Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've > >forgotten?> >_____________________________________> >> >Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?> >> >A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.> >> >Q: How long has he lived with you?> >> >A: Forty-five years.> >_____________________________________> >> >Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up>that> >morning?> >> >A: He said, "Where am I, Doris ?"> >> >Q: And why did that upset you?> >> >A: My name is Susan.> >______________________________________> >> >Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or > >the occult?> >> >A: We both do.> >> >Q: Voodoo?> >> >A: We do.> >> >Q: You do?> >> >A: Yes, voodoo.> >______________________________________> >> >Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he > >doesn't know about it until the next morning?> >> >A: Did you actually p!@#$%^&* the bar exam?> >> >___________________________________> >> >Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?> >_____________________________________> >> >Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?> >______________________________________> >> >Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?> >> >A: Yes.> >> >Q: And what were you doing at that time?> >______________________________________> >> >Q: She had three children, right?> >> >A: Yes.> >> >Q: How many were boys?> >> >A: None.> >> >Q: Were there any girls?> >______________________________________> >> >Q: How was your first marriage terminated?> >> >A: By death.> >> >Q: And by whose death was it terminated?> >______________________________________> >> >Q: Can you describe the individual?> >> >A: He was about medium height and had a beard.> >> >Q: Was this a male or a female?> >______________________________________> >> >Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition > >notice which I sent to your attorney?> >> >A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.> >______________________________________> >> >Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?> >> >A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.> >> >______________________________________> >> >Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?> >> >A: Oral.> >______________________________________> >> >Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?> >> >A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.> >> >Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?> >> >A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an>autopsy.> >______________________________________> >> >Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?> >______________________________________> >> >SAVED THE BEST FOR LAST!!!!!!> >> >Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?> >> >A: No.> >> >Q: Did you check for blood pressure?> >> >A: No.> >> >Q: Did you check for breathing?> >> >A: No.> >> >Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began>the autopsy?> >> >A: No.> >> >Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?> >> >A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.> >> >Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?> >> >A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing > >law somewhere. Quote
BeWaRe Posted January 30, 2005 Report Posted January 30, 2005 Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? A: Did you actually p!@#$%^&* the bar exam? ^ Nice. Quote
redhotchilipeppers_chick Posted January 30, 2005 Report Posted January 30, 2005 hah, thats awesome. It reminds me of my 365 stupidest things ever said calendar... "Polls show that Americans overwhelmingly oppose the killing of innocent people"- Senator Radio host: How is your latin?Guest: comme ci, come caRadio host: good. On a shipment of hammers:May be harmful if swallowed. Headline in newspaper:Scientests want to know why sex is so popular etc.. Quote
Aileron Posted January 30, 2005 Author Report Posted January 30, 2005 The first one is actually a very intelligent statement, but needs to be used in the context of a speech. It gives a kind of "oh duh we are trying to save lives here" effect. It could be used in an anti-abortion argument for example. Basically, it only seems strange when seperated from the context, though I doubt an actual poll was taken. The hammer company probably make nails too and uses the same shipping materials. The only stupid thing here is that they feel they have to to avoid lawsuits. Quote
redhotchilipeppers_chick Posted January 31, 2005 Report Posted January 31, 2005 Pffff fine, ruin my fun Aileron Quote
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