Synister Posted August 21, 2006 Report Posted August 21, 2006 Marriage Jokes=============A guy calls home from work and a strange woman answers the phone. The guy says, "Who is this?" "This is the maid," answers the woman. "We don't have a maid!" "I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house." "Oh. Well, this is her husband. Is she there?" "Ummm... she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone whom I just naturally figured was her husband." He'd always suspected, but now he knows. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?" "What do I have to do?" "I want you to get my gun from the desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jerk she's with." "$50,000? Really?" "Yes." The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by a couple of gunshots. The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?" "Throw them in the swimming pool!" "What pool?" "Uhhh . . . is this 832-4821?" =-=-=-=-= Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished. ------------- A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, "You see, it's like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; 'cause it's sooooooooooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own . . . so does she" -------------- A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use each day . . . 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men . .." The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?" ------------- A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it." ----------------- Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in most countries, son. ------------ Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late. --------------- A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." ------------------=============== Others A blonde woman goes into a department store and tells the salesman she wants a pair of pink curtains. He !@#$%^&*ures her they have a good selection of pink curtains. He shows her many textures, prints and hues of pink fabrics. Once she has finally picked out a pink floral pattern, the salesman asked her "What sizes do you need?" She replies "15 inches." He exclaims "15 INCHES?! What room are they for?" She says, "I only need one, and it's not for a room. It's for my computer monitor." The surprised salesman exclaims, "Miss, computers do not have curtains." The blond says "!@#$%^&*OOooooooo.... I've got Windows!" ------------- There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages ----------------
»Swift Posted August 21, 2006 Report Posted August 21, 2006 Good jokes. I loved the married ones the most.
Synister Posted August 21, 2006 Author Report Posted August 21, 2006 I laughed my !@#$%^&* off for this one: Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished.
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